Match Report – AM.4 – Game Date: 02/08/2020

BMFC AM.4: 3
vs
Penrith RSL SC: 3

BMFC Goal Scorers: Matty, Ads, Zac**(pending investigation)

Player of the Match: The Couch

Match Report: A late fixture change saw the team bus travel to neutral ground at Colo for our game against RSL.  We weren’t sure if this was to keep the fans in check due to COVID, but we hoped FIFA’s fake crowd noises would be played over the loudspeakers regardless.

Some last minute personnel changes, Niall out, Riley back in (pending someone having spare shinpads), Joe late as he couldn’t find his shinnies (editor’s note: get Mummy to pack your kits next week boys), Rod – “why is the best player in the team on the bench?” – upgraded to starting 11 until Kyle arrived late, Rod quickly voted back to the bench. 

But mostly we were all interested to see if Fingers’ breakfast of leftover KFC would be a gastronomic masterstroke of sports nutrition – he certainly was licking his lips at the prospect of getting on the scoresheet this week, or was he just cleaning up what he missed with the complimentary moist towelette?

The pitch was in good nick, Matty suitably impressed by the grass, which he confirmed as “definitely couch” – we all nodded in agreement, although he could have said buffalo/zoysia/acapulco gold we wouldn’t have had a clue either way.

We got off to a flyer, Ads given a bit more attacking freedom this week, rewarding the gaffer early for his strategic change, getting released down the sideline then finding Matty at the top of the box, his superior knowledge of the species of turf allowing him to take a shimmy to his right then burying the ball in the back of the net inside the first 5 minutes.

RSL then made a change, bringing on a striker with far too much talent for this league that required us to start having to ask a few questions at the back such as “how do we stop him without kicking him?” and “how do we stop the ref blowing the whistle everytime he goes to ground?” to name but a few… 

We moved Zac to a more central defensive role to help deal with the threat, and so began a modern day love story between striker and centre-half in the same vain as ‘Fatal Attraction’ that would last the remainder of the match…

Their hate-hate relationship aside, Slash was strong again between the sticks, making a few vital stops as the first half evened out, while up the other end Felts missed a glorious opportunity to get off the nudie run, his header off a delicious Dre free kick sailing over the crossbar – if only he could find the netting as easily as he can pick out a new rug to spill red wine all over…

RSL managed to get one back, 1 all halftime.

Second half we went back to the starting 11, mostly out of necessity due to the confusion Dre created trying to explain his numerous halftime changes but it was more of the same from RSL, their striker going down in the box after a rather innocuous attempted clearance by Slash, penalty given…

Could Slash make it 2 pen saves in back-to-back games?

No…

Zac took time out from man handling strikers to make a little foray upfield, finding some time just outside the box to hit one sweetly, taking a rather large deflection after hitting a defender flush on the chest and falling into the goal… jury still out as to whether it was an own goal or not, could be contentious at year end during golden boot deliberations…

He then returned to exchanging stud marks at the back with his opposite number, the ref finally had had enough as this was far too much work for him to be doing before his 5pm bedtime, brandishing what Zac claims is his first ever yellow card.  And after the ensuing free kick, Matty was left brandishing a squashed tackle box, luckily child number 2 is on the way this week as he is now as baren as Felts’ goal tally.

Ads found himself in the right place at the right time (well, a stopped clock is also right twice a day) at both ends of the park in the space of a few minutes, making a goal line clearance (and claiming to the bench this week’s 3 Dally M points will surely be his, all but guaranteeing zero votes) then being least slowest (nothing fast about it) to react up the other end after Ghost’s shot was parried away from goal, picking up the scraps and slotting it in from a tight angle.  Another one off the nudie run.

RSL managed to peg one back, and with the game in the balance the new niggle brothers Dre and Zac did enough to deny a winner, whilst also avoiding more cards and any fisty cuffs.  The only other real concern of the half coming after Fingers found some room down the flank but butchered the cross so badly with his left foot we were concerned his KFC breakfast had caused a stroke and rendered the left side of his body useless… 

3 all final score, some new combinations starting to blossom but the age-old debate of VB vs New tins for the esky threatening to turn the locker room upside down…