Match Report – AM.4 – Game Date: 19/07/2020

BMFC AM.4: 0
vs
Colo Soccer FC: 3

BMFC Goal Scorers:

Player of the Match: The bus

Match Report: A full team bus was set to arrive at the home of football following “the game who’s name shall never be mentioned” last week, the lads keen to make amends, probably none more so than Niall with a Braveheart-esque spray on the team group chat early Saturday morning (following a few Guinness’ Friday night perhaps?)

But as the clock ticked closer to kick-off, Niall’s chat had turned from a “they will never take our freedom!” to a more sombre “you’ll have to go on without me…” while Joe was also suspiciously M.I.A.

So fourteen strong we were, more than one of those sweating pure alcohol (hydralite does nothing by the way Lachy) and the smell of butter chicken emanating from Rusty’s general direction.  Good to see our standards haven’t slipped.

We wound the clock back to 2004 Chelsea vs Spurs for inspiration this week – we intended to bring the bus, leave the bus firmly in front of Slash in goals, and throw away the keys.

And that we did! Colo was reduced to shots outside the box, while we looked to slip past them on the counter, Zac particularly full of running after resting up last week and replacing the Julius Marlow’s and designer overcoat for the footy clobber (editors note – Marty by comparison on the sideline this week looked like a hobo).

Colo managed to break the deadlock only after we butchered a clearance, and then found themselves at the penalty spot soon after when Ads couldn’t drag his monkey arm out of the way of a loose ball in the box. The ref could only raise an eyebrow when Ads questioned how his arm could be in an unnatural position, clearly thinking what we already knew – there is nothing natural about a bloke that’s 6 foot 2 with a 10-foot wingspan.  Penalty, team fine still stands.

Cometh the hour, cometh the Slash, holding his nerve and not committing early, beating away the shot with Kyle following through to clear the danger.

1-0 halftime, and with space starting to open up we fancied ourselves to claw it back.  Niall and Joe also phoned in updates – Joe was driving the porcelain bus and Niall was gonna come for a beer after he navigated the M4…

A bit more end-to-end in the 2nd half as we pushed for an equaliser, getting a few good looks on goal from corners and long throws but not being able to bundle it in.

Colo managed to punt one long against the run of play, a goal never a concern as Matty was in hot pursuit, until he somehow lost his legs from under him, not even bothering to feign a foul from the ball runner in a kind of ‘reverse-simulation’ scenario, Slash left all on his own to deal with the one on one…

2 goals down now and tempers started to flair – Felts booked for gentling guiding a Colo player away from a fracas by use of 2 open palms and a shoving action and new boy Kris being introduced to the 10-minute sin bin rule after attempting to educate the ref on what constitutes a foul throw, then questioning said referee’s overall knowledge of the rules in general.  More team fines for the kitty.

Matty took it upon himself to work the ball downfield, making a great run from halfway, beating 2 or 3 defenders (the story will be a run from deep within our half beating 8 or 9 defenders by year-end) and getting taken down on the edge of the box, then flailing and rolling all the way through the carpark and out to the street to ensure a free kick was given.

Ads fancied himself for the free kick, especially after the previous showings from Ghost and Felts, but joined them both on the list of ‘never to take again’ sending it harmlessly over.  Dre attempted one a few moments later from even further out, he too now on the naughty list.

Rod came closest to scoring with a nice pop on target, but tipped over the crossbar.  He also wouldn’t allow yellow cards being distributed without getting in on the action, teaching a far younger Colo opponent how to remove someone’s legs from their torso if they beat you down the sideline by doing just that to the young fella…

Time was running out now and the final nail in the coffin (or dent to Ads’ wallet) came when Slash tipped a swerving corner onto Ads head for an own goal.  Another boost to the kitty however.

3 nil final score and plenty improvement from the game who’s name shall never be mentioned, and we can only hope Joe is back to full health and Niall managed to get off the M4 as we have still not heard from either…